Ar Iarraidh Gra
by Nyte Quill
Summary: A missing scene between Ryan and Siobhan while he's undercover. For closure's sake. Contains mild spoilers for "The Wild Rover." The title is a rough Gaelic translate for "missing love" Enjoy!


"So, where you resting your head, brother?" The target of the query raises his head to look at his former friend. "I was just gonna crash at a hotel or something." "What? No! Your first night home? Your triumphant return to the fold cannot go so uncelebrated. You'll come home with me." Liam and Maggie shoot a look over Ryan's shoulders at the suggestion, though they refrain from vocalizing any comment.

The smoky air in the bar holds a slight edge of anticipation as Bobby S. raises his hand, then levels it at the woman behind the bar. "Siobhan. You wouldn't mind putting Fenton up for a few nights, right? Give him a real homecoming?" At this, Maggie stops holding back. "After what the bastard did to her? Bobby, come on. Have a heart." Siobhan's eyes flick to Ryan's, who holds his gaze for a moment before answering to the waiting room. "If he minds his manners til he's forgiven, he can crash on the couch tonight."

The rowdy crowd lets loose with hoots and suggestive banter. "Be out of the doghouse in no time, O'Doul!" "Give her hell, Fenton!" "Way to make him suffer, Sho!" It keeps up until Bobby declares the next round on the house... and last call. Liam and Maggie are among the first to leave, glaring daggers at the "prodigal son." As the last of the homeboys file out the door, Bobby turns the lock and claps Ryan on the shoulder. "It's good to have you home, brother. I'll see you in the morning." Turning to the woman waiting calmly by the bar, he points a finger at her. "Take good care of him, Sho. I want him in one piece tomorrow." With that, he heads out by the back entrance.

Ryan stands awkwardly by, unsure of what to do. He remembers the way to Siobhan's apartment like he walked it yesterday, but he's hesitant to move. She shyly takes his hand and leads him up to her rooms above the bar, only slipping loose the second the door shuts. The faint scent in the air brings back memories from the past, filling the space in his vision until he can almost watch it unfold like a movie.

_He'd fallen for Siobhan because of her passion, both in bed and in life. Fiercely loyal and beautiful as she was sweet, with a right hook that could level a drunk on St. Patrick's' Day, she was completely unlike anyone he'd met before... or since. It had occurred to him at the time that had he not grown up away from the influence of the neighborhood, "Fenton" might well have been his identity and not just an affected persona. His ability to transmogrify with such ease was a little unsettling to his superiors, and more than a little disturbing to himself. But his Siobhan had been the one true thing. Well, that and the fact that he was a good Irish Catholic but still didn't like the smell of cabbage and pickled eggs on a hangover._

The sound of Siobhan's footfalls as she makes a circuit checking every lock in the room jerks him back to the present. He notices her unease, and says he can just slip out but Siobhan warns that there will be guards and at least one of Bobby's watchers nearby. "They'd see you; not for nothing, but it's kind of their job. You're supposed to be here, so here's where you gotta be." Ryan inhales a slow deep breath as he accepts that he's stuck for the night. Maybe a joke will make him feel better.

"Hey." Siobhan turns to regard him with a puzzled and wary expression. "Would jumping on the bed and throwing a few glasses work as proof of our 'reunion'? Cause I'm game if you are; I'll even lose the shoes." She lets out an almost involuntary chuckle, and he flashes her a grin; it falters when the smile suddenly wipes itself off her face. "What's wrong?" With a little shake of her head, she responds, "No... nothing. For a minute there, you just... reminded me of... you." He offers to take the couch, and she relents, finding him a toothbrush before disappearing into the bedroom and closing the double doors.

Lacking pajamas in the tropical apartment, he strips down to his boxers and tee. Little muffled noises through the door alert him to Siobhan's bedtime preparations, and he counts the exact number of strokes per tooth while he's brushing to avoid dangerous remembrances. At least the couch isn't too bad; it's still as squashy as it had been when they'd fought and he landed himself in the doghouse... until later that morning when they made up... twice. Ryan sighs; this is gonna be a long night.

* * *

Either the couch is less comfortable than he remembers or his remembrances are more familiar than he's comfortable with, because he's still staring at the ceiling an hour later. Ryan is debating a sneak down the stairs for a pint (Bobby's watchers be damned; he can't sleep) when a quiet noise disturbs the stillness. He freezes, straining his ears to see if he'll hear it again, hand automatically reaching for his usual weapon- until he remembers it's not there. The noise repeats. The bedroom... Siobhan! He's on his feet in an instant, moving silently, avoiding the creaky boards without conscious effort, needing to check on her. He presses an ear to the crack between the doors, finally recognizing the unfortunately familiar sound of a quietly crying woman. A moment of hesitation holds him before he shakes it off and gives a soft knock.

"Siobhan?" The muffled sobs are replaced by a faint snuffling before she answers. "What?" The knob is cool beneath his palm before the reply is out of his mouth. "I wanted to see if you're alright. Can I come in?" There is a pause that stretches into a squirm-inducing silence before she answers, "Okay." He turns the knob and slips inside, leaving the door open behind him. The bedroom is limned in faint moonlight, and the runic coverlet and silver accessories lend a look of fae inhabitant to Siobhan. Ryan takes a few steps inside, pausing at the foot of the bed before asking, "What's wrong?" A rueful snort escapes her before she replies, "How honest an answer you lookin' for, _Fenton_?"

Ryan winces a bit, but presses on. "From the girl who always told me straight, I think you know the answer to that one." She draws a deep breath, suddenly absorbed in her cuticles. "I... *sigh* Ohhh, I miss you. I've been missing you. When I saw you the other day, I swear my heart felt like it started beating again." He can't stop the small smile that brings. "Ever since though, it's just felt like... it's breaking all over again too. And then Bobby and his big mouth, and here you are... where you used to be, the way you used to be... with me." The tears have started falling again, and he decides they have too much between them to stand on formality. Perching on the edge of the mattress, he rests a tentative hand on her shoulder and admits that a part of his heart has missed her too.

Her gaze locks into his without warning and she turns those soft brown eyes on him. He'd always called her his fawn-eyed girl, his Golden Hind- that mythical creature of beauty and grace who could melt men with a look. It was never possible to deny her when she turned on the full power of those orbs.

Espo is holding his wedding ring for safekeeping, and Jenny will always have his heart, but the part of him that shared so much with this woman, the part that broke a little when he was pulled out so suddenly, wants to comfort her. And so he lets himself be hers for the night; he slides into bed and wraps her in his arms. She turns and cries on his chest and holds him close and when she's settled a little, tear tracks glistening in the moonlight, she presses in, lips hovering a fraction of an inch apart. The final step is his to make. He kisses her, and it's every emotion he's felt, every thought he's had of her in the last 7 years. It's the goodbye he never said, the "I love you" he always meant, and the "I missed you" they were both unwilling to admit. A kiss is all it is, all it can be. No matter what Siobhan had meant to him in the past, he can't be unfaithful to Jenny like that, even for the sake of cover or apology. But she finally breaks off the contact, snuggles onto his chest and whispers a "thank you" into the darkness as she falls asleep in his arms.

**A/N: There was just soo much weight in those looks between Kevin and Siobhan. I don't care if it didn't actually go like this; it seems like it did. They needed closure.  
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**Hope you liked it. Even if you didn't, please review. Til next time, fellow Castle-ians.**


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